


Life

by eleasofia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Jealousy, POV Oikawa Tooru, Personal Growth, Planet Themed, Relationship Study, Rival Relationship, pretty much platonic but can be interpreted as romantic if you really want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 04:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19369861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleasofia/pseuds/eleasofia
Summary: Deep down he was ugly, and he really didn't care. Jealousy was rushing through his veins like blood, making up his very being at this very moment. He was sure it was written all over his face, but he couldn't help it. He was slowly being consumed by envy; it was devouring him, and right now he was coming apart at the seams, neither able nor willing to even try to conceal it.'But this is not who I want to be.'





	Life

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for a fanzine around two years ago, but it was never published, so I decided to finally share this fic with you, I hope you enjoy ~

**Sun // Action**

_ 'So this is who I am.'  _

The thought crossed his mind involuntarily and immediately made him cringe. He was staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed into space. The only thing keeping him somewhat grounded at the moment was the burning grip of Iwa-chan's hand firmly around his wrist. The back of his hand was only mere centimetres away from Tobio's face, as if the clocks had stopped the exact moment before there would've been an impact. Fortunately, his friend had been in the right place at the right time. It had been a dangerously close call.

_ 'Is this really who I am?' _

"I'm sorry," he mumbled breathlessly, scarcely audible, unsure whether Tobio had even heard it or not since the younger boy was already rushing out of the gym, probably in hopes of never having to see him again. 

But that didn't really matter to him anyway. Deep down he was ugly, and he really didn't care. Jealousy was rushing through his veins like blood, making up his very being at this very moment. He was sure it was written all over his face, but he couldn't help it. He was slowly being consumed by envy; it was devouring him, and right now he was coming apart at the seams, neither able nor willing to even try to conceal it.

_ 'But this is not who I want to be.' _  
  


**Moon // Emotion**

After the first shock, all that was left was a weird mixture of boiling rage and cold fury. All the frustration he had bottled up for so long was spilling out of him. He was unleashing all the thoughts and feelings he usually hid from everyone all at once, and he just couldn't stop. Patience yields focus, and hard work yields success, but hard work never trumps talent. So what's the point?

_ 'Will I ever be good enough?' _

Maybe he shouldn't let his emotions take over whenever he started to feel helpless, but that was easier said than done. He was afraid of losing control, of being surpassed and overtaken, of being useless, of being  _ worthless _ . At least Iwa-chan was there to literally knock some sense back into him. The blood oozing out of his nose as a result eventually made him snap back to reality.

"The team with the better six is stronger!" Iwa-chan yelled at him, and it should've been at least a little intimidating, but he couldn't help but giggle, incidentally wondering whether he just had a brain concussion or simply gone mental.

For once, everything made perfect sense, but that still didn't mean  _ his _ team was going to be the one with the better six players. Even if, that still didn't mean that  _ he _ would be among those best six on the court, especially not with that first year prodigy on the same team as him. He had always given his all, poured his heart and soul into volleyball - poured and poured and  _ poured  _ until he was exhausted and empty - but that didn't change the fact that life was unfair. 

_ 'Why am I never good enough?' _  
  


**Mercury // Communication**

Spending time apart had done wonders for his confidence, and growing older had probably helped too. Not that he had forgotten because there was no way he could ever forget about Kageyama Tobio, the embodiment of a thorn in his flesh, but watching silently from afar had given him time to prepare for their next encounter.

While observing him over the past two years, he had seen the reign and fall of the "King of The Court", and he had enjoyed it. He had seen Tobio crumble, seen him fall, seen him lose, seen him suffer, seen that he was flawed and human and  _ vincible _ . He should probably feel bad for gloating over Tobio's setback, but he simply wasn't that kind of guy. He was the kind of guy to hold grudges.

"I want to crush my uselessly adorable Kouhai in an official match, fair and square!" he said and pointed straight ahead at Tobio, who had grown so much, who was now almost the same height as him, like a missile aiming at its target. 

_ 'It's me or you. It's always going to be me or you.' _

All he knew was that he needed this so that he would finally be able to move on, to let go of this. That's what he hoped for, at least. But sometimes he wished that he could just tell Tobio about all the things that were eating away at him, but he brushed that thought away just as fast as it had popped up. He liked to think he was too smart to ever say things like these out loud, but actually, he was just too proud to admit them.

_ 'Please don't leave me behind.' _  
  


**Venus // Attraction**

Karasuno was going to suffer a crushing defeat at the hands of Aobajousai, that was for sure. But, most importantly, Kageyama Tobio was going to suffer a crushing defeat at the hands of Oikawa Tooru. Although Tobio definitely was prodigious, he still held a fair amount of experience over the genius setter, and he was definitely going to make good use of that.

Tobio was a nuisance, still, and definitely nothing more than that. Tobio looking up to him - figuratively and literally, from the floor - was sending chills down his spine. He felt excited and triumphant, but somehow he wasn't entirely satisfied; he had only just tasted blood for the very first time. He was thirsting for more, and there was no way of denying it. 

_ 'It tastes better the more the bird is nurtured.' _

He had dreamed of being victorious over Tobio for such a long time, and yet he had never considered that one showdown and one win might not be enough to please him. And indeed, there was quite a bad aftertaste to crushing something so promising and beautiful before it had ever gotten the chance to show itself in all its splendour and perfection. It truly was a disappointment. At least he had only cut his feathers and not broken the bird's wings.

_ 'Foie gras is my favorite food after all.'  _  
  


**Mars // Energy**

There was this fire burning inside of him, and  _ someone _ was fanning the flames restlessly, but fanning his fear relentlessly as well. He was constantly reaching for the stars but had never even managed to touch a cloud; chasing rainbows, but constantly feeling like he had been lied to about the pot of gold at the end of it. 

_ 'What kind of setter am I?' _

This was going to be his last tournament in high school, and his biggest dream, the one he had been trying to fulfil ever since he had picked up a volleyball for the first time many, many years ago, had always been within sight but also slightly out of reach. It had never, not even once, passed out of mind, though. He had steadily been going round in circles for years, but right now he was in tip-top form, and it was spring, so it was definitely time for a change.

_ 'I am a setter that brings out the best in everyone.' _

He was full of vim and vigor, radiating energy, practically vibrating in his spot, wanting to finally  _ get on with it _ . But it wasn't just about the season of the year and all the other circumstances; there was something about competing with Tobio that filled him with sheer endless drive. He couldn't explain it, he didn't really understand it himself, but his thirst had only grown and grown and grown, and now he was dying to have another taste. Today his hard work was going to pay off for sure.  
  


**Jupiter // Growth**

Seeing their positions suddenly and unexpectedly reversed was a real shock. Actually, it wasn't even all that unexpected, but the rush of emotions and long forgotten feelings that came back with it definitely was. Everything came crashing down at once. This wasn't anger, this was  _ wrath _ . He was fuming with rage. 

_ 'Tobio, I might actually lose to you, considering how quickly you evolve, but-' _

But then he saw the look in his rival's eyes and didn't get any further. He had thought this exact thing time and time again while facing Tobio; it was almost like a mantra with which he forced himself to stand up, to keep going no matter what. But it was going to be  _ today _ . They both knew it, but Tobio seemed to be just as surprised as he was. For a moment, Tobio looked young and innocent like he had back in middle school, but that wasn't going to fool him. That guy was a monster.

_ 'How can I even compete with someone like you?' _

He was angry, yes, but this time he didn't feel like lashing out or giving up; he felt like fighting on with his head held high. There was no point in giving up now that he had come this far. In order to be and become a better player, he didn't need to bring about Tobio's downfall, but simply stand up to him and learn. Maybe he had outgrown some of his bad habits after all.

_ 'Talent is something you make bloom, but instinct is something you grind and polish.' _  
  


**Saturn // Challenges**

"Don't let it get to your head. With this it's only one win and one loss," he said with a huff, glancing at Tobio standing across from him on the opposite side of the net.

They suddenly were the absolute center of attention since everyone else had already lined up to thank each other for the game, but he didn't mind, he didn't even  _ notice _ . His focus was even more intense than during the game, and while all eyes were on them, they only had eyes for each other. But that was kind of their thing, doing everything with at least twice as much vigor as others and never knowing when to stop.

_ 'It's me or you. It's always going to be me or you.' _

"It won't." Tobio replied with his typical frown, not averting his gaze, not even blinking, simply holding the stare.

Unlike when they had met for the first time, they were on eye level now, on equal footing, probably seeing eye to eye for  _ the first time _ . But somehow it felt like he'd been dared by his friends to ask someone on a second date, expecting to be rejected just too suddenly be answered with a "yes" and now feeling nothing but fear and nervous anticipation when thinking about it.

_ 'We'll both rise to this challenge.' _  
  


**Uranus // Change**

Watching Karasuno beat Shiratorizawa was actually pretty satisfying. Of course, on one hand because he had  _ known _ and also  _ told _ Ushiwaka right before the game, and because he would be able to rub it in his face afterwards, but also because he was proud. There was simply no other way to put it but to say that while he was still wishing that it was him down on that court, it filled him with joy to see that it was Tobio in his stead and not someone else. 

_ 'This is who I want to be.' _

For the first time he was looking at the young setter, and all of his thoughts were somewhat  _ fond _ . Tobio was more than just a nuisance and a disciple he had never wanted to accept; he was a worthy rival, making him push himself to his limits and even further. Most importantly, he was always there; had been, and hopefully would be.

_ 'Thank you for making me stronger.' _

He wouldn't want to trade that for absolutely anything in the world, even if Tobio was getting the best of him most of the time. No matter what, they shared a mutual respect and understanding, and unlike himself, Tobio didn't hold grudges. He had seen him at his lowest, and yet Tobio had always looked up to him even when he could've looked down.

_ 'Thank you for helping me become a better version of myself.' _  
  


**Neptune // Dreams**

It was 3 a.m. on a Saturday night, and calling Tobio probably was a very bad idea. He did it nevertheless. They had started talking more and more ever since both of them were attending university in Tokyo, but making confessions at such an ungodly hour was never a wise thing to do. He hadn't really thought this through and panicked when Tobio actually picked up, sounding pretty sleepy. What was he even supposed to say?

_ 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call this late, but I think I'm in love with the idea of us.' _

He shook his head. "I hate your guts" he started, inwardly cursing himself because this was coming across  _ so wrong _ , "But I actually...don't? And without you I probably wouldn't be here today so...thank you?"

He bit his lip, and there was a terrible silence filled with tension that stretched out way too long until Tobio eventually replied. "You're welcome, I guess?"

_ 'Wow, we're suddenly being awfully grown up about this.' _

"Next time I'm going to crush you for real, though," he declared, trying to lighten the mood a little, "Scared,  _ Tobio-chan _ ?"

"Dream on, Oikawa-san," Tobio said politely, but his smirk could practically be heard over the phone.

He couldn't help but smile, too.  
  


**Pluto // Transformation**

"You sure talk big, but can you live up to it, Tobio-chan?" he said and cocked his head playfully to the side to look at the other setter next to him.

Tobio returned his gaze and smirked provocatively. "Hmm, how about I just show you then?"

"Are you guys done...or...?"

He jerked when he heard their captain's voice interrupt their banter in hopes that they would focus on the game that was about to start. By now everyone was used to their competitive nature, but sometimes it apparently seemed necessary to the others to stop them from being rivals for a moment and remind them that they were teammates now.

"Yes, captain! I'm sorry, I was just trying to get him in the mood," he replied quickly and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, accompanied by a wink in Tobio's direction.

"I'm pretty sure you were just talking because you're nervous," Tobio tossed in, rolling his eyes but grinning like a Cheshire cat. 

He had just opened his mouth to protest but then the referee blew his whistle, indicating that their game was about to start. Of course they were taking this seriously, playing for the national team was a great honour after all, and a dream come true for both of them as well. They walked over to their respective positions on the court, only lingering for a moment when they were around two arm's-lengths apart to brush their fingers together in a soft high five.

_ 'It's me and you. It's us.' _


End file.
